Let’s face it, your ex would not be your ex if you always got along. Whether you were married, just dated, or even had a one night stand; if you have a child with someone then they are that child’s father. This means that you need to make sure that you remember this at all times when you are dealing with your children. It does not matter what you are doing with them or what you are going through with your ex. If you have children together, you must learn how to separate your children from the problems and situations that arise with your ex.
Even in the very best of situations, you are going to be frustrated, angry or upset with your ex from time to time. There might even be times when your children are acting out after a visit or saying something about your ex that you might want to chime in and respond. However, this is not what you should be doing. Instead you can show your children how to model their appreciation for their father regardless of the situations that you are in.
Remember Always That He is Their Father
If you had never been with your ex, then you would not have the amazing gift of children that he helped to create. Remember this when you are dealing with him and your children. All of the time, you will hear women exclaim how they wish that they had never met their ex. If this is true, then you would not have your children. If your children hear you saying this, it could lead them to wonder if you wish that they had not been born.
No One Else Can Be Their Father
Yes, your children can get lucky have an awesome step father in their lives. In fact, their step father might do more for them, create a stronger bond with them, and be far better for them then their own father. However, their father is always going to be their father. Make sure that you talk to your children about their father in a kind way so that your children never feel as though they need to pick a side.
Allow Your Ex to Share the Responsibility of Parenting
Being a parent is tough work. You can gain some respect and appreciation for your ex if you allow them to co-parent with you. Having a successful co-parent in their life is important so that they can be raised in a happy home. Realize that he might have different expectations and punishments, but he is doing what he believes to be the best thing for your children. If you look at things from his perspective, from time to time you might even learn something that can help you parent your children in your home.
Their Father is Likely to do Things You Don’t
One thing that is pretty easy to appreciate is when your children’s father chooses to do activities with them that you do not really want to do. Do you hate fishing or boating? Consider it a blessing that he is around to do these things with your children that they might not otherwise get to do. Instead of being upset or jealous about something, consider whatever he does that you don’t want to a blessing since you won’t have to do it.
Enjoy Your Me Time
Far too many moms are so caught up with things with their ex, that they do not take the time away from their children as a time to refresh and rejuvenate. If you are willing to look at this time that your ex has your children in a new way, then you will realize that you can really have the best of both worlds. You will get to spend your time with your children and when they are with your ex, you get to enjoy some much needed me time. Go out with friends, read a good book, catch up on your favorite TV show, or even just relax and sleep in.
Realize He Can Be a Better Parent Than Partner
Just because your ex was an awful husband or boyfriend does not mean that he is going to be an awful father. Learn to look at the things he does that are good and point those out to your children. Doing this is going to help you to appreciate the good that he does rather than being upset about all of the bad that he might have done before.
Understand That Being Apart Might Make Him a Better Parent
Most people do not realize that someone can be a far better parent when they are not with their ex than they were when they were with them. In the case of fathers this is something that you are going to need to realize. Even if you wanted him to do things with the children that he never did but is doing now, do not look at this as something to make you angry. Instead be happy that he is finally choosing to do what is right for your children.
Remember the Good
You also should work with your children to remember the good about their father. Not everything that you did together was bad. Some things that you did together as a family were good. Reflect back on those good times together so that your children can see their father in a positive light with you.
Even if You Hate Each Other Now at One Time You Cared About One Another
It is hard not to hate someone who has put you through an emotional roller coaster. Instead of focusing on the things that went wrong with your ex, work on being able to focus on the fact that at one point the two of you really did care about one another. Doing this will help you to remember the things that you saw in your children’s father that made you want to be with him. It will help you to be able to focus on these things when you are talking to your children.
Going through a separation, divorce, or break up can be a very tough time. Many times a mom might feel like this is a time where she is losing something with her children. This can cause outrage that she might end up sharing in front of those children. Instead of being this way, make sure that you are appreciating your ex for the things that he does well and sharing them with your children.