Most relationships in your life are challenging at one time or another. One of the relationships that can be the most challenging is that with an ex. Let’s face it, an ex is an ex for a reason and if your relationship was not already challenged enough, then they probably would not be an ex. There are many things that you can do so that you can work towards having a healthy relationship with your ex, especially if there are children involved and you have a joint or physical custody arrangement.
One of the first things that you can do with your ex is to ask them a simple question: “What can I do to help make things easier for us?” Being open and honest that you want a good relationship with them is the first step in being able to openly admit to faults and really work on getting along well together. This is especially important if your Ex is not following the parenting plan.
Getting along with your ex and doing your best to get a healthy divorce is really going to help your children to have the most stable life possible which is what the main goal should be for parents who are no longer together. Of course, having a successful relationship with your ex is definitely more easily said than done. It is going to require self-discipline, effort, and restraint in order to make this relationship happen. The thing to remember along the way is that all of the hard work is going to be worth it.
Learning What You Want
The first thing that you should be able to do before you can have a healthy relationship with your ex, is voice what you want out of the relationship. You need to have clear boundaries and things need to keep a business-like tone. If you are allowing emotion to come into play, then you can send mixed messages to your ex or become very angry when things do not go the way that you wish. You will also need to express to your ex that he needs to allow you to understand his needs of your relationship. If you do not know what he needs, then the relationship is going to be one sided.
When you do not agree on something with your ex, the first step that you should take is mediation. Mediation is a process where you sit down with an attorney and discuss issues at hand. You will discuss what each person wants and will try to come up with an agreement that is fair to both of you. Many times mediators are able to address all issues and concerns and can help you come up with an outcome that you are both pleased with.
Consider Your Intentions
You have to have pure intentions when you are trying to work out a relationship with your ex. Your intentions should never be to hurt your ex or cause them pain. Instead they should be about working together to have a relationship where both of you put the needs of your child(ren) first so that you are both working to make their life as good as it can be. If you have negative attitudes or negative intentions, they are going to be discovered and you will not end up with the type of relationship that you might have been hoping for.
Even if your ex did horrible things to you, in order to move on for your child’s sake, you are going to have to forgive them. This does not mean that you are a door post or that you are going to let them treat you unfairly again. It means that you are going to be able to move on and go forward with your relationship and leave the things from the past in the past. Forgiving someone who has hurt you can be a very challenging process. The reason that so many divorced couples end up bitter and angry with one another is that they do not have the ability to truly forgive one another.
Being able to have a healthy relationship with your ex is possible. It can be a great thing for your child and can even help you to have successful future relationships.